


When Counting Sheep Doesn't Work

by mideltone_one



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-26 06:37:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20737847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mideltone_one/pseuds/mideltone_one
Summary: Callum can't sleep, and he's not the only one.





	When Counting Sheep Doesn't Work

**Author's Note:**

> Set a few weeks after the shooting.

Ben should be the one suffering nightmares, shouldn't he? Callum stares at the ceiling, his heart still racing, his t-shirt soaked in sweat, and tries to slow his breathing down. In through the nose, out through the mouth. It's what he was taught on that army first aid course. Never thought he'd be applying it to himself, but then back when he learned it there were lots of things he never imagined would have happened to him.

After ten minutes he realises he's not going to get back to sleep just lying here. Picking up his phone he groans when he sees the time; seven minutes past three. What is it about three am that so fascinates his brain, it demands he be awake each night? He'll look like death warmed up in the morning, Jay will ask if everything's OK and he'll lie that it is. At least he's in the right job for looking half dead he tells himself.

It's been two months since the shooting. Immediately after, the police offered therapy, the opportunity to talk to someone, but he didn't feel right about it. He wasn't the one who'd been shot and if Ben Mitchell didn't want counselling, why would he deserve it. Instead he just buried the pain, by day at least, and got on with it. Now he feels like it's too late to ask for help. Everyone else has moved on, started to rebuild their lives. He and Ben haven't had their promised drink yet, but they will as soon as Ben's off his painkillers and back at work. That was the deal they made and it looks like that day is coming up fast. Clearly the only person having a problem is one Callum Highway, the weak minded idiot who can't get over it.

The kitchen is in a mess, which rules out a hot milky drink as he can't face having to wash a saucepan before he starts. He used to be so tidy, even before he and Whit moved in together. It was an army thing he found comfort in, but now all that has vanished, along with any hopes of sleep. He could, he thinks, find an all night cafe, but they don't usually serve hot milk, and a caffeine laden tea or coffee will just make things worse. Perhaps a run will help. Physical exercise might tire him out.

It's cold as he steps out of the flat. He's glad he's got his thicker jogging gear on and his trademark hat is pulled down firmly. He decides to do one large loop of the square at a time, stopping when he feels tired enough. Setting off he's surprised whenever he sees anyone out so early. Actually, seeing how they're dressed, he guesses it's people out so late. No doubt they'll fall into bed and sleep soundly up to, if not beyond their alarms, while he struggles for more than five minutes of rest.

He's on his first loop when he reaches the Arches. The lights are on, which seems very strange. The Mitchells are known for dodgy dealings, but they don't usually do them in the dead of night. It certainly doesn't seem like Ben's style. He decides to investigate, which in reality means creeping up to the door and listening for voices.

Ear pressed close to, but not touching the metal door into the Arches, because it's so cold he's worried it might freeze and stick, Callum listens intently. There's the sound of movement from inside, the creaking of the chair he knows is by the desk, followed by a heavy sigh and what he thinks is sobbing. He's in two minds what to do until he hears Ben’s unusually ragged voice say “Snap out of it, Mitchell. Pull yourself together.” He didn't save the man's life just to let him live in misery, and he's not hearing any other voices, so he decides to take control for once.

The lights are very bright as he steps into the Arches, so it takes him a moment to adjust, which gives Ben time to wipe his face and try to pull himself together. “Ben?” he asks softly, striding purposefully towards the younger man, “What's wrong? Have you been crying?”  
“No” says Ben, not even convincing himself, “Just got something in me eye.”  
“Let me have a look,” says Callum, inviting Ben to come closer with his open arms.  
“Don't worry, it's fine now.”  
Callum shakes his head. “Don't want you going blind. Only just kept you alive in the Vic.” His voice breaks a little as he says it and when he looks over at Ben he can see fresh tears running down his face. Closing the gap between them, he takes Ben up in his arms and holds him tight as the tears flow. “It's alright,” he says softly into the lad's hair, “you're safe. I'm not going anywhere, and neither are you.” After what feels like hours, but can actually only be a couple of minutes, Ben is calmed, though Callum continues to hold him.

Ben eventually pulls back from the embrace and looks up at Callum’s face. “Sorry,” he mumbles, “you don't want me sobbing all over your shirt.”  
“It's fine, I can change me shirt easily enough. Friends are harder to replace.”  
“Friends are we? Thought we were more than that,” says Ben with a frown.  
“Maybe we will be, if you play your cards right” replies Callum, loving the flicker of a grin on Ben’s lips as he says it, “but first I need you to be honest. What's upsetting you?”  
“Honesty ain't really my strongest card,” replies Ben, “especially when it makes me look weak.”  
“You don't have to be strong for me,” says Callum, “just honest, like I said. If I know what the problem is, maybe I can help you.”

Leaning back against Callum's chest so he can avoid eye contact, Ben sighs. “They fixed me up here,” he says, tapping his chest and wincing slightly at the pain, “but the problem’s up here.” He stabs a finger against his head.  
“Can't sleep? Nightmares? Stressed out all day?”  
Ben lifts his head and stares at Callum. “You a mind reader or sommit?”  
“Nope,” he replies with a faint smile, “don't need to be. It's what I'm going through too. It's why I’m out in the middle of the night jogging round the square to tire meself out.”  
“How's that working out for you?”  
“Well I’m knackered but I still won’t sleep.”  
“After Paul,” starts Ben, his voice low, “it was the empty bed that freaked me out the most. I always sleep better when there’s someone with me.”

Callum pauses for a moment, realising that it’s similar for him. His sleeping has been interrupted since his abortive wedding day and whilst he had thought it was because of the trauma in the pub, sleeping alone in his room might be playing a part. “Maybe I should get you to come home and sleep with me” he says before he can stop himself. Seeing Ben’s eyebrow raise he quickly adds, “Sleep, just sleep, not have sex.”  
“Such a tease,” mocks Ben, “but I think it might be worth a try. Don’t think your brother’ll be too happy seeing me waltzing out of your bedroom in the morning though.”  
“He don't live with me anymore” replies Callum, “not since I caught Rainie trying to nick me savings to fund her drug addiction. I told her to go and he went with her.”  
“Shame” says Ben with a grin, “I like a bit of Stuart baiting first thing in the morning.”  
“Sorry to disappoint” says Callum.  
“You? Disappoint me? Don't see that happening any time soon.”  
“You haven't actually said yes,” says Callum, seeing Ben's eyes soften they way they so often do when he looks at Callum.  
“Yes, of course yes,” he replies, “but I need to nip home first.”

~~~~~

Callum waits in the kitchen while Ben gets the stuff he needs for an overnight stay. It doesn't pass him by that Ben manages without these things when he's out on a one night stand. Could it be a sign that he wants more from Callum? It's not the most comfortable place to wait though. He's scared to touch anything for fear of making a noise which will bring a baseball bat wielding Phil down the stairs at high speed unwilling to wait for an explanation before hitting out at whoever he finds.

Thankfully Ben appears a few minutes later. “Lead on, my valiant knight,” he whispers as he goes to open the back door.  
Callum has no idea why he's being called that, but here and now is not the place to ask. “Have you left them a note?” he asks, realising Ben's family might be concerned at his disappearance in the night.  
“They'll think I've shacked up with one of my one night stands,” sniggers Ben.  
“So tell ‘em you ain't.”  
“Well, technically you are one of my one night stands,” says Ben softly, adding “so far at least” and gaining a blush from Callum. Leaning over the kitchen table, Ben scribbles a quick note, then picks up his bag and turns to Callum, “After you, Sir Callum of Highway.”

Once they're out in the square, Callum slows down until Ben is level with him. “What's all this ‘Sir Callum’ stuff about?” he asks.  
Ben chuckles. “You've come and saved me from the castle of horrors,” he says with a smile so bright it feels like a warm summer day to Callum, “which makes you my gallant knight.”  
“You ain't no damsel in distress,” replies Callum.  
“First it’s a bullet in my lung,” protests Ben grabbing hold of his chest, “and now it's a dagger in my heart.”  
Callum rolls his eyes. “Nothing a good night’s sleep wouldn't fix.”  
“Seems like a waste of a bed,” says Ben with a smirk, “especially when there's the chance of sharing it with a knight who has an impressive sword of his own.”  
“A knight who’s so tired he probably won't be able to get that sword up however much he wants to.”  
“I do love it when you play along with my little fantasies,” says Ben, “but you're right, we're both too knackered to do anything but sleep.”

A few minutes later they're at Callum's front door. Ben has gone quiet again, a heavy frown on his face. “What’s wrong?” asks Callum.  
“It's not fair,” complains Ben.  
“What isn't?”  
“We haven't even started going out yet and already you're seeing the worst of me, crying and broken, and I'm seeing the best of you, caring, compassionate, kind. You deserve so much more than I can give you right now.”  
“I don’t need you to give me anything right now” says Callum, taking hold of Ben’s hands, “All you need to do is be you. What sort of friend would I be if I was only there for the good bits? And don’t think I’m gonna be a walk in the park. There’ll be times when I need your support, and I know you’ll be there for me.”  
“Course I will,” replies Ben softly.

Once they’re inside Callum becomes nervous. The flat is a mess, which hasn’t bothered him up until he walked through the door and realised it was suddenly on view. Ben, however, doesn’t seem to notice, just happy to be somewhere warm with someone he cares about. “Sorry about the mess,” says Callum after a moment, “I’ve not got around to cleaning it up.”  
“S’alright,” says Ben, “I ain’t here to inspect the cleaning.”  
“Is that a line you’ve used before?” asks Callum.  
Ben chuckles. “No,” he replies with a grin, “but I wish I had. To be honest mate, all I’m worried about is getting to bed.”  
“Give me a minute,” says Callum, realising the bedroom floor is covered in clothes. He darts through the bedroom door and quickly bundles all the clothes into the bottom of the wardrobe, telling himself it’ll be fine for one night, that he can sort it out tomorrow. Reappearing, he sees Ben staring at the door of what was Paul’s room. “If it’s too weird …” he says softly, looking directly at Ben, “I’ll understand if you’ve changed your mind.”  
Ben pauses for a moment before replying. “I remember being really happy in this flat,” he says, “and hopefully in the future I will be again.” He yawns when he finishes speaking which sets Callum off.  
“Bed then?” asks Callum, not wanting to delay getting to sleep, and hopefully staying that way.

Callum is already in bed when Ben walks into the room. Once he’s under the duvet Callum turns the light off and Ben turns his back to him and shuffles back until they’re spooning. Automatically, Callum weaves him arm around Ben’s waist and pulls him closer. The smell of his hair is quite intoxicating. “I’ve been thinking,” says Callum softly.  
“Wondered what the noise was,” replies Ben.  
Callum ignores the comment and continues, “I think should go and see someone about what happened in the Vic. I think I’ve still got a card from the police somewhere.”  
“As a couple?” asks Ben, clearly surprised.  
“Maybe,” says Callum, “or separately. I think it might help, both of us, and you being OK is important to me.”  
“And you to me” says Ben, “Let’s sleep on it, discuss it tomorrow.”  
Callum momentarily tightens his grip on Ben, before saying goodnight.  
The last thing he hears Ben say is “night.” The previously oppressive quiet of the room feels so different as he hears the younger man’s breathing slow. Before he knows it he's asleep himself.

Waking to the alarm for the first time in weeks, he smiles as he realises Ben is still there. Hopefully his very special sleep aid will be available for many nights to come.


End file.
